The Twins

My first real girl friend was Linn B. I‘ll get permission to use her full name if I ever run into her again. I hope I will.

I met her through her twin sister Lee when I was 14. Lee was Don Belk’s girlfriend. Don was the bass player in my first band and we got into a lot of trouble together when we were even younger. I’ll tell that story later. Don died a few years ago.

Just a little side note: the first song we played was Alice Cooper’s 18. We’d repeat the verse over and over and never get to the chorus. It must have been maddening to our friends.

Linn and I first kissed hidden in bushes by railroad tracks somewhere in Webster Groves. It took about 2 hours before we got up the courage for that first one but after that we were off and running.

We experienced everything for the first time together including drugs, sex, philosophy and politics. Linn and I were just beginning to read. I was obsessed with Gandhi, Herman Hesse, Joyce Carol Oats and Carlos Constaneda.

I went to an alternative high school at Grand and Washington called Logos. My teachers were Jesuit Priests in training that were opposed to the Viet Nam War. They were pulling their conscientious objection duties as teachers. They turned me on to a lot of books.

Linn and I slept together for 6 months before we even tried sex. When we finally did she got pregnant.

Her father Ralph was a saint about it all. Ralph was a single dad with 4 daughters. My friends and I pretty much took over the house.

Things were a lot looser in those days. I remember rehearsing in our guitarist, John’s basement apartment at Matrix High School. Ralph would walk around from musician to musician holding a joint to our lips. His real love was opera and often we’d find him in a Tux going out to sing somewhere.

Linn's sister Lee was not like Linn at all. She partied heavily.

It was during this time that I met Pam. Pam’s father was a successful psychiatrist at Washington University and had even written one of their school texts. I had a few girl friends whose parents were psychologists and they always seemed to be studying us.

One day Pam brought photos of a GED high school in Massachusetts she wanted to go to. She talked her dad into paying for it. The photos were of bare breasted teenage girls farming a field. The school was incredibly expensive and I was angry at the indulgence of her class. I hated her and everything she stood for. We had a terrible fight that frightened everyone around us.

Linn and I went to bed that night but I couldn’t sleep. I was still furious. Pam was spending the night. Several hours later with Linn sleeping next to me Pam crept into the room. She sat on the bed and rubbed my forehead. We fell in love.

The next morning I took a shower with Lee and Pam was very hurt. This is how naive and self-centered I was.

The sound track for all of this was Cat Stevens, Quadrophenia, and the Rolling Stones with Mick Taylor.

When Pam left me I thought I would die from a broken heart. I camped under her bedroom window every night until she relented. For some reason she came back.

Something in me had changed and I didn't want her anymore. My heart had hardened. The tables were turned and she wanted me back. I slept with Lee just to hurt her. The weird thing was, in the dark it seemed like I was with Linn.

I really loved both of them. Lee died 2 years ago from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs. I had the hardest cry of my adult life. It was a total breakdown.