Sunday, September 27, 2009

Domestic Bliss

My friends with the wildest lifestyles seem to have the most conservative dreams.

Just before my friend and ex roommate Nancy died she came to visit my new family. I had a wife, a son, a daughter and a dog. Nancy was beside herself with happiness for me. I was struggling and the loss of my personal freedoms was just beginning to sink in.

Nancy was into leather-clad dominatrix S&M and wasn’t above spontaneous sex in an elevator. Still it seemed a happy little family was what she really wanted.

Several times in my life I’ve settled into a nice, warm little nest. That’s why I know it’s all an illusion. It won’t last. Honestly it gets boring.

The last Christmas I spent with my dad was at an apartment I shared with my girlfriend Jill. Jill and I were learning wines together. She experimented with her first soufflé on me. A few months ago she confessed it was the only soufflé she ever made. It tasted like puffy scrambled eggs to me. The whole scene was like Barefoot in the Park. My friend Annie came to visit and made some kind of remark about how domestic we seemed. It killed the whole thing for me. After a couple of happy years Jill and I split up.

My dad’s last impression of my life was my home with Jill. He loved it. He was happy for me.

This was when I learned how desperately he tried to keep our family together when my folks split. My parents always seemed close and I couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t all be together. Eventually I learned how mentally abusive he could be when he was drunk.

When my ex and I split I also tried desperately to keep our family together.

A lot of people around us assumed I couldn’t bear life without her. Actually I had been unhappy for years but I knew how it would affect the kids. She insisted things were different for them. She was wrong.

We all have scars.

When Jill came to visit a few months ago she brought her two girls. She said she was really happy. She told me I was responsible for her husband falling in love with her. He noticed a copy of Captain Beefheart’s Troutmask Replica in her record collection. I turned her onto the Captain.

A few years ago when I spoke with her on the phone she said she had no urge to procreate.

Pics are all from my Dad’s last Christmas with us in 1978. It’s my entire immediate family- Jill, my brother Patrick, my mom, dad and me. The cat to right of my dad in the pic where were playing together tried to murder me in my sleep. I’ll get to that story, if I haven’t already, soon.


...Sharon said...

This is such a great photo of your folks together. What year was it taken?

Doggie said...

All are from Christmas 1978, like it says.

Doggie said...

Valerie pointed out I've already told the souffle story. I must be getting old.

Anonymous said...

those really are great pictures; was that when your dad lived at the Labs on Victor with us? Geo

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